Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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