Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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