She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
