"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
