Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
