I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She bit a glass in half.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
