you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize