ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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