my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
