u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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