Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
