My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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