So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
