I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
