and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
