if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
