the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
