just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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