I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
