I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
