you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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