I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize