I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The struggles of a small town man whore
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
