I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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