Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
