dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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