3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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