we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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