Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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