She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
