How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
