Whod you bang
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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