She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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