Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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