She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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