i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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