i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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