I murdered the dance floor call the cops
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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