The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
