Ambien. No doubt about it.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
