I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
it was like his penis was on wheels.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
