My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize