WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Found the puke drawer
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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