Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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