Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
