went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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