Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
