Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
