I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
