she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
