Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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