I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
