Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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