the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
