she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
did i walk over a car last night?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
