How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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