I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
