So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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