cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
