So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
