I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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