Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize