he wants to bone in the snuggie
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
