I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I had to cum in my sink.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
